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The G-ville Files
4-14-2003 The following story is not really based on actual events. Snod Reporter Phillip helped gather the subject matter. Meanwhile, back at the ranch... A slight adventure happened to a Snod reporter, Bob*, who interviewed D'Man in a past edition of The Snod. After the D'Man interview, Bob was feeling unusually thugly, so he visited G-ville, home of all thugs named 'G'. While walking down North-South Drive, that ever-infamous street of gang wars galore (hey, it divides the Eastside from the Westside), a pink limosine stopped beside him. The mirror-coated passenger window rolled down and a woman inside said, "come with me for the rest of your life." "I can't talk to strangers," said Bob, and he made a zip-mouth-swallow-key motion with his hand. The woman gave him a don't-be-such-a-baby look and appropriately said, "Don't be such a baby." "Oh yeah, I'm not a baby anymore," Bob thoughtfully said to himself. After that tear-jerkingly dramatic monologue, he smartly asked the woman, "How do I know you're not some psycho serial killer?" Her reply: "I'm in a limosine." Bob's a genius: "So, psycho serial killers can be in limosines." "Either join a gang or get in the car!" demandingly demanded the demanding woman. Despite his recent feelings of heightened thuggishness, Bob was deathly afraid of dying, so: joining a gang = bad idea, getting in car = good idea. Bob got in the car. "Hey now, if you're not a psycho serial killer, why is the grim reaper driving the limo!?!" "Oh, it's just a guy in a costume to freak people out - like you! Ha Ha Ha!" Betwixt feelings of freaked-outness by the guy in the grim reaper costume, lowliness from the mysterious lady laughing at him, and general stupor (ya gotta love general stupor), Bob realized that this is a really long sentence. Actually, he demanded that the driver stop the car so he could get out of it. The woman said, "Wow, you really are in general stupor, because we haven't even started driving yet! Ha Ha Ha!" Bob was fed up with all the 'Ha Ha Ha!', so he said, "General stuporize yourself! I don't have to take this!!!" Then he exited the car, slammed the door, dodged some Eastside/Westside bullets, and ran away faster than yo mama. * names have been changed |