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Chapter 5
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No Answers
"Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood."-Henry Miller

             …huh? What? What's that light? My head was aching as I tried to recollect my thoughts. What in the churning cosmos is going on? I wondered. Did I fall asleep again? I suddenly remembered the man who had been chasing me. What was his name again? Tristan, I remembered, that was it. Aside from that, I only remembered that I was allegedly in some kind of "Dream-world". Why did he bring me here? I asked myself, for I was certain that Tristan had, in fact, brought me somewhere, although I didn't really know where "here" was. More questions flowed through my head, but I had no answers, and those were what I really needed. Fortunately, I had some idea of where to find them. I opened my eyes.
             "Welcome back," said the voice of Tristan Evenstar.
             "Where exactly am I now?" I asked in a tone of voice that was somewhat less menacing than I'd intended. "What just happened?"
             Tristan launched into a long, technical explanation of the physical body's journey while the mind sleeps. As far as I could tell, he was claiming that I had been physically transported to a world created by human dreams, a place that only the mind visits while the body sleeps. (Of course, some part of my physical body was back in the real world; I hadn't just disappeared.) In either case, Tristan was telling me that I'd just personally experienced the answer to a rather unique question: what does one experience when one sleeps in the Dream-world? According to Tristan, my mind essentially acted like I was in the middle of dreamless sleep, while most of my physical presence sat in the Dream-world. I listened attentively to Tristan's speech, but I didn't really understand (or believe) any of it, but, for the sake of getting to the answers I sought, I accepted it - for the moment.
             "So," I said as Tristan finally ended his explanation, "that brings me back to the big question. What does all this Dream-world stuff have to do with me?" I punctuated my question with an inquisitive glare.
             "The reason I brought you here-" Tristan abruptly stopped talking, a worried look on his face. "Oh no…" He turned and glanced furtively in all directions. His face grew pale, almost translucent.
             "Tristan, are you okay?" I asked, startled at this sudden change in the strange man's demeanor. For a brief moment, I wondered if he was about to die right in front of me (or do something equally dramatic, though nothing else in particular came to mind).
             "I have to go," he told me quickly, beginning to literally fade away.
             "Wait!" I exclaimed trying to run after him. Before I could take two steps, he was completely gone. What now? I wondered. I have to find Tristan. I have to figure out this Dream-world thing. I looked around me, determined to find some clue to Tristan's location. After a few seconds of spinning in circles, I simply picked a direction and walked in a straight line. Suddenly, my surroundings altered themselves. I couldn't see a thing and it was kind of gloomy. Is this the Dream-world then? I speculated idly. I thought most dreams were supposed to be cheery and delightful. Unless this is a nightmare. An image started to fade into my eyesight. Startled, I flinched back as I saw the face of Tristan. But only his face and nothing else. I called out to him: "Hey! Why did you vanish all of a sudden and why is your face the only thing I'm seeing?" You'd almost think he was a ghost or something.
             Tristan merely drifted away slowly, his lips moving inaudibly, as if to say that he'd be back. It appeared to me that he was using a lot of self-control to drift slowly instead of abruptly disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Indeed, it almost seemed as if something were calling him away.
             "Wait!" I called, seeing my chance for answers evaporate like a light mist at sunrise. Too late; he's gone again, I realized. However, this time I resolved to catch up long enough to get my answers. I ran after Tristan yet again. Am I supposed to figure out this dream/real life thing by myself?
             I slowed my pace to a walk after running long enough to realize that I wasn't going to catch Tristan again anytime soon. Since I seemed to have the whole Dream-world to myself, I decided to try something that I hadn't thought of before. Every part of my body was functional, but now I wondered about my mechanical parts. I called up the time on my cybernetic eyes. I was not really surprised to see that the numbers were just counting and resetting themselves randomly. I tried to call up my compass but that was flipping out too. "Forget it," I said, disappointed. I tilted my head up to the still-gloomy sky and gazed at it. I saw two moons. Suddenly it all connected in my brain. Was I in the world that Galadriel had been calling for help from? I felt dizzy again, realizing that I could be in danger as she was. I felt like I wanted to black out again. I've been doing a lot of that lately, I thought ironically as I sat down on the hard earth (not grass) to steady myself.
             I forced myself to stay awake. I stood up, still a little shaky. Now, I thought as I was calming myself down, in which direction did I last see Tristan? Randomly, I picked a direction and started walking again. It seemed that searching for Tristan, though a hopeless task, was at least something to keep me from panicking. Wow, I'm going to lose a lot of weight from all this walking, I thought. It seemed like forever, but I was keeping optimistic in my mind. I was making progress.
             In an instant I saw a flash of white light. The place turned bright, so bright that I fell back, covering my eyes. Images flowed into my head. In that same instant I heard swirling and all sorts of noise. I saw everything, like a thousand different movies being fastforwarded and played right in front of my eyes. Stop! Everything stopped and went black. Run, I told myself, just run. I started to run towards nothing, absolutely nothing. Just then the ground beneath me gave way. I landed and tumbled, still frightened and started to run again. "NO!!" I screamed, sweat dripping from my face. "What is happening to me?" I started to yell.
             This time I heard noises and voices and ran in the opposite direction. I tripped and started to fall. I kept falling into darkness as if there was no end to it. I thought I was going to die if it didn't stop. The flashes of light, sound, and swirling color were starting to put me over the top. Darkness consumed me and I saw nothing. It felt as if I was sleeping awake. What is really happening to me? Is there no end to this madness? Am I going to survive? That last question did it. I had a rude awakening to the value of my life. Can I survive? Can this be a world of death or something? Will I ever see Amanda again? Will my family ever learn what happened to me? The one coherent thought that entered my head after that was that I didn't even know what was happening to me. I was confused. As I fell into that infinite, eternal darkness, there was another thing sticking with my consciousness and I: CONFUSION.
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